Ganked from other places ;P

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Ganked from other places ;P

Postby 5_Miles » January 29th, 2006, 6:48 pm

These are serious points to ponder!

1. Can you cry under water?

2. How important does a person have to be before they are considered
assassinated instead of just murdered?

3. If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

4. Since bread is square, why is sandwich meat round?

5. Why do you have to "put your two cents in" but it's only a "penny for your
thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going?

6. Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried
in for eternity?

7. Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

8. What disease did cured ham actually have?

9. How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a
good idea to put wheels on luggage?

10. Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like
every two hours?

11. If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

12. If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?

13. Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

14. Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars
to look at things on the ground?

15. How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss
America???

16. Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you
naked anyway.

17. If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?

18. Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

19. Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

20. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze
these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out!"

21. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible
crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

22. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

23. When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell you to
smile? If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license, are you
going to be smiling?

24. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about
him?

25. Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

26. If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut,
why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

27. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't
point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

28. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both
dogs!

29. What do you call male ballerinas?

30. Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream?

31. If Wyle E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he
just buy dinner?

32. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables,
what is baby oil made from?

33. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

34. Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?

35 Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

36. Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

37. Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call
it a hemorrhoid when it's inside your butt?

38. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you,
but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window?

39. Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first place?
_________________
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before. - Stephen Wright
Billy,
Sacerdos....damn Nut Sac........

Eamdaria......by god its a cleric.....
5_Miles
 
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Location: Oklahoma

Postby Mistress Chesse » February 1st, 2006, 4:35 pm

These are serious points to ponder!

1. Can you cry under water?
Yes.

2. How important does a person have to be before they are considered
assassinated instead of just murdered?
And important to whom?

3. If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
In an attempt to make would-be bank robbers leaf?

4. Since bread is square, why is sandwich meat round?
It's a conspiracy by the same multi-national conglomerate that's decreed hot dogs are sold in packages of six, while buns come in packages of eight.

5. Why do you have to "put your two cents in" but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going?
Into funding for the Hot Dog Bun Conspiracy.

6. Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
I'll try to let you know after I find out.

7. Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
More time-consuming to make curved cardboard.

8. What disease did cured ham actually have?
I dunno, but it was plainly fatal.

9. How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
I think it's related to why we spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on monster trucks to crush other vehicles when there are children dying of abuse and neglect in our own cities. Human intelligence is a spotty thing.

10. Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
People who say this haven't spent time with babies at night in recent memory.

11. If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Yes, unless the court personnel are also deaf, in which case they call it a signing. Unfortunately, autograph-seekers usually show up in droves and ruin the event with poorly-planned cosplay.

12. If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?
If you drink Pepsi at all, they should.

13. Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
Movie screens are big enough to hold full-sized humans. TVs are way too small. Duh.

14. Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
See earlier response regarding human intelligence.

15. How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America???
No one wants to see pasty middle-aged American politicians in a swimsuit.

16. Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
They're seeing other patients. That's why you wind up sitting in a chilly exam room growing bumper crops of goosebumps on your bare ass for so long.

17. If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?
She doesn't. She's in a comm room with a bunch of other 9-1-1 operators, who see her fall over. Then one of THEM calls 9-1-1.

18. Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
Panties should only be pluralized when you're referring to more than one. I can go down to Victoria's Secret right now and buy a thong panty.

19. Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
Only if they eat it.

20. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out!"
A sick fuck.

21. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
Ask the Hot Dog Bun Conglomerate. They won't tell you, but they'll be watching you, mister.

22. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
My freezer has a light.

23. When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell you to smile? If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license, are you going to be smiling?
I will. It makes them nervous.

24. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
Artistic irony.

25. Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
Nope. A corpse isn't a passenger, it's cargo.

26. If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
He's too busy trying to convince Ginger and Maryanne to make a nerd sandwich.

27. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't
point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
Pointing to one's wrist is difficult to misconstrue. Pointing to one's crotch could have all sorts of different meanings.

28. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
Walt was part of the conspiracy.

29. What do you call male ballerinas?
Danseurs.

30. Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream?
If their blindness occurs late enough in life that the brain's visual centers have had time to develop, yes, they can see their dreams. And certainly blind people dream.

31. If Wyle E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
He was driven insane by the fact that he could only get hot dog buns in eight-packs.

32. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
Mineral oil. Start with crude petroleum and remove the gasoline and kerosene by heating, in a method call functional distillation. Then use sulfuric acid, apply absorbents, and wash with solvents and alkalis to remove hydrocarbons and other chemicals. I wouldn't rub that crap on a baby.

33. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
All too frequently.

34. Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?
Nonsense. Haven't you heard of Disneyland?

35 Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Yes.

36. Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
I didn't.

37. Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's inside your butt?
Spotty human intelligence and the Hot Dog Bun Conspiracy.

38. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window?
Let a dog in my car? Are you crazy?

39. Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first place?
I didn't. Whew.
Though we live in trying times - we're the ones who have to try.

Shiny!
Mistress Chesse
Delicate Flower of Carnage
 
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Re: Ganked from other places ;P

Postby Khaw » February 1st, 2006, 6:30 pm

5_Miles wrote:35. Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

36. Why did you just try singing the two songs above?



35. Yes they do.

36. No I didn't. In fact I found myself singing "Bah Bah Black Sheep" which also has a similar melody.
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I talk too much
 
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Postby Thaldin » February 1st, 2006, 7:46 pm

38. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window?
Let a dog in my car? Are you crazy?


Well at least I still rate higher than a dog since I have been in Chesse's car!
Thaldin
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Postby Qqnaua » February 1st, 2006, 7:47 pm

hehehe Chesse you crack me up :D
Qqnaua the Mithril Chef
Cleric of Noble Blade
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